problems with arousal and masturbation

contrary to popular belief, masturbation is not a sin.
that being said, i often practice ‘nofap’ to retain my energy and master self discipline etc. also it is said to be good for increasing your powers, like magic wise etc. (though also orgasms can be used for increasing power for spells etc…sex magic etc.)
like once or twice for like less than a minute total i was able to jack myself off and actually feel pleasure. usually it feels completely numb or like a dead fish. :/ no matter what i do, it seems.
i have orgasmed before, but that was hands free – purely mental :3
they say sex is like basically 100% in ur mind. i think its true. i often have astral sex with my twin flame. feelsprettygood. but still, like, lately/in general i feel intense problems with getting truly aroused. there is often a disconnection between what i want to feel and what i feel. not just with maya but sometimes he does feel really distant, like theres a block between us.
it could be that i live with my adoptive family and they are really horrible and abusive to me. but like i said, sometimes regardless i get turned on when im thinking of maya. so if it can happen sometimes that may not be the problem…
idk. i don’t think its a disorder or anything. something like a mental or spiritual blockage, maybe? or maybe even a curse. idk. feelsbadman.
hope to get it figured out and cured soon. then when i am released from this 25 year bondage of abuse, and i can be with maya physically for good finally, we will have ALL the sex. And it will be perfect. :3333333333

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