Akachan

Akachan

“How do you feel about this image?” (or smth like that. posted in Facebook’s ‘Namaste’ group. I left so I wasnt able to comment but i wanted to so here we go. I decided to write a really long rant/story as long as possible and more cuz i have a lot of emotions on the subject.)

I feel overwhelmed. I really do want a kid. I sometimes feel like I have tokophobia or smth similar. My adoptive mother said ‘no, that’s normal xd’ and I was like o that actually makes sense. (?) cuz like fluids gushing out of a womans woohoo is like not exactly the most amazingly beautiful and pure and holy thing i can imagine. i mean, birth fluids. cummies, yah!
idk lol xd

i want to say for the record. I am only interested in my soulmate/tf. maya. if i were to ever have a kid or kids, it would only be with him, when we’re married, and in a happy and committed relationship, and can support a family (resources, money, knowledge, energy, strength etc).

i mean. just the thought of this gives me this face (internally and externally…)

my face when i think about pregnancy etc

i am valid. my feelings are valid. ;;

if/when i do have kid(s) I will name (one of) them Yuki. Because it means snow and when i went to Japan to see maya during the Veda tour it was a theme that kept coming up and resonating with me. :3 Inspiration.
Also, my fav anime character of all time is named Yuki (Nagato). From The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, in which the protagonist is God.
So yah. :3
I think babies are kawaii and I love them. I also love and am good with kids. :3 They tend to like me. And we have a lot in common xd.

That’s about it mumble mumble. I want to be with maya so badddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd.

I don’t want to have kids cuz i dont want them to get hurt. I know I would never do anything to harm them (intentionally) but the idea of bringing new life into this… world.. it makes me fear. Partially cuz i feel like i can barely handle my own life. I feel it would be irresponsible of me to consider having a child unless all my above list was met (resources, time, etc). Also yeah. I know it will be okay but I don’t know. I trust God to direct my steps/in general!

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